Foolish, maybe?


On my way home after having to pay 25 bucks for my perscription, I got a phone call from the most unlikey source-David. I hung up on him, then redialed; I was curious to know what he had to say, since he was willing to talk. I am assuming that he felt guilty for what he had done to me a few weeks ago. Well, he sounds sincere but sometimes I am just unsure what to think. I sensed that he would call eventually, but I just didn't know when. I knew in my heart I didn't do anything to him to get dumped for, but I still felt like I did somehting wrong, but just couldn't figure out what that was exactly. He sounded way off when he broke up with me that day; it felt like I was talking to a complete stranger. When I found out that he was close by (I was on the bus when he called me) I got off the bus and told him to meet me there. I wanted to see what he had to say to me face to face. Seize the opportunity.

We talked for like 3 hours while riding around the city. I'm thinking my subconcious mind told me to get off that bus and talk to him; I could have been bitchy about it and cussed him out over the phone. Maybe I got a little bit more dignity than that; basically I wanted to talk things out in a calm manner; I wanted to let him know how much he hurt my feelings that day. I still wondered that it was something that I did for him to dump me. I've been through a lot of that in my life- being mistreated and never knowing why it was done in the first place. I am a bit more peaceful about the situation as a whole; he left it up to me about if I want to begin talking to him again. I am still hurt by what he did to me. That scar will remain.

The hardest thing that I've ever done in my life was forgive people; it took me like 4 years to forgive a best friend of mine. Actually, it was more like I needed to forgive myself for being so stubborn for so long about something that seemed so meaningless as time passed on. That's the most extreme example that I can think of. I had to forgive some family members too, including my Grandmother, because of the emotional pain that she caused me while I was growing up. Sometimes it still occurs now, but I know how to handle it.

I'm unsure if its all about forgiving him completely, but its more about healing. I still have to sort this out in my mind and in my heart. There is a lot of work to be done.